Memo to Melissa's Post Pregnancy Body

Dear Melissa's Post Pregnancy Body:

Melissa would like to acknowledge and thank you for the the excellent work that you, her body, performed during the time period of May '08 to February '09 on the "Growing A Baby" Project. However, it has been over 8 1/2 months since this project was completed and closed out (nearly as long as it took for you to complete said project). While Melissa understands that this was a great accomplishment and you would like people to remember and see the outcome of your great work for a long time to come, it is time to pack up any remaining evidence of such project and return to normal operating procedures immediately. Your boss, Melissa, would like to assign the following tasks to your team members to be completed without any further delay:

1. Team Member Skin: Please box up and clear out any remaining pregnancy related acne, stretch marks, and other general skin funkiness that was administered during pregnancy. Pizza face already haunted her through her teenage years, it is time to give it a rest and return to you daily duties as normal, healthy adult skin.


2. Team Member Hair: You have become quite flighty, and have taken to falling out in clumps during not some, but every washing procedure that is administered to you by Melissa. It is time to stand your ground. Melissa needs you around more than ever and would like you to stay put. She would offer you incentives to stay put, such as more trips to the salon, a flashy new cut, or any perk you might suggest. If you keep falling out, you will suffer penalties, such as Melissa shaving you off and replacing you with a wig.


3. Team Member Hips: While you worked hard to prepare for the passage of said baby, you were unable to complete your intended work on this project because of unforeseen C-Section surgery. While we here at Melissa's body understand that you were ultimately unable to contribute your input to the project for reasons that were out of your control, those of us here at Melissa's Body are getting tired of you walking around boasting that you have perhaps accomplished such task. Since you did not actually succeed in passing a baby, we feel that it is only fair that you shrink back down to pre-birthing hip size until your next baby project.


4. Team Member Stomach: Your boss Melissa recognizes you for suffering perhaps the most abuse during your work on the baby project, however your behavior after the project has caused your boss Melissa the greatest cause for concern and embarrassment. She feels that you have had ample time to deal with your emotional and physical issues and it is high time you return back to normal. She does not like to look like she is smuggling and inter tube under her shirt wherever she goes. It is time to flatten down, and tighten up.


5. Team Member C-Section Scar: While you have only been an employee at Melissa's body for a short while, we have now accepted you into our family. You are swiftly leaving your beginner status behind, and we will be quickly dropping the learner's curve from your list of excuses. We expect you to rise to the challenge and function at top notch along with the other team members. The random shooting pains must stop immediately. Also, Melissa would like you to work overtime and grow your nerve connections back as soon as possible. Melissa is tired of having a perma numb feeling in the 1 inch area that surrounds you, and would like to remember what a pelvis feels like.


6. Team Member Hormones: You hold a position of leadership and authority over all aforementioned team members, and as their supervisor you must take you orders seriously. As of lately, you are what we in the body business like to refer to as a "Hot Mess." It is time to disembark from the exciting roller coaster that you have been able to ride on in the past months and find stable footing on the ground. While your day to day stabilizing work may seem boring, it is imperative to the other team members, who will not be able to achieve their goals without your guidance and support. Sure, everyone loves a crazy person, but only for a little while. Your time of careless fun is up. It is time to get back to the daily grind.

As you, Melissa's Body, works to regain your pre-pregnacny status and routine, you will see an increase in Melissa's happiness and an abundance of joy in her life. Do not worry, just because you will have to leave your memories of this baby making project behind, does not mean that you will never be needed again. She hopes to open new baby cases in the not too distant future, and we will need you refreshed and repaired when that time comes. With all the thanks in my heart I give you a final dismissal from this project, and decalre that it was a huge success!!!

Sincerely,

Melissa